Fifty ways to expire on remnant
by Bartholemeow
Summary: I looked it up, there wasn't any fanfics like this that I could find, so I decided to write One of My Own! PS: I do not own RWBY, all of its characters in this parody are not mine and are owned by Rooster Teeth.


Fifty ways to Expire on Remnant.

Inspired by 50 ways to die in Minecraft (look it up) by Jake eyes

By Bartholemeow the cat

1\. telling Yang her Hair is ugly

"No PLEASE! It was just a dare!" *crying sounds are heard*

2\. holding crescent rose the wrong way

"I told her she was protective of it *sighs*"

3\. Telling Cinder, she's fat

" **BURN YOU PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A MAN"** *sound of mad cackling*

4\. The plant life won't save you

"They found me, How Did They Find ME!" *sound of a young man wailing*

5\. Mistaking a Beowulf for a teddy bear.

"…" *sound of crying in the background*

6\. Flirting with Ruby Rose

"Yang… that's the second guy this week"

*sound of blood dripping*

"and your point is?"

7\. Attempting to poll a nevermore

*screaming*

8\. Overconfidence

"yang… would you be my date to- "*crunch*

9\. Believing in Destiny

"THIS IS FOR PYRRHA AND EVERYONE ELSE YOU KILLED RAH!"- _and that's how Cinder Fall died_

* * *

10\. Telling Jaune Pyrrha likes him

 _Enough said._

11\. Seeing Jaune with a beard

"to… disgusting… Blegh"

yes, that's a reference to Red vs Blue.

12\. Asking Weiss Schnee out

"Would you like to go out with me Weiss?"- _famous last words of Cardin Winchester, how Jaune managed to survive, we may never know._

13\. Chess with Salem

"Checkmate, now die"

*Salem chuckling evilly*

14\. Drinking Oobleck's coffee.

"She couldn't handle the sheer caffeine."

15\. Telling Pyrrha the Cold Hard truth

"Jaune won't ever Know you like him unless you kiss Him"

" **WHAT DI-D YOU SAY!"** *gulp*

16\. Burning Blake's Ninjas of love book

"now... you DIE" *censored*

17\. Rushing the ending

"LLEEEROOOOOYYYY JJJEEEENNKINNS!"

*click-Bang*

18\. To many props

"OUM DANG IT BARB!" can be heard from rooster teeth studios after their server crashed.

19\. with a lightsaber.

"Wait Just one second! there are no lightsabers in Rw- "*Frummmmm Vish*

* * *

20\. Flirting with yang

"Ouch, right in the nuts… were going to need a mop."

21\. Killing Zwei

"You… You… **YOU MONSTER!** " – Ruby Rose

22\. Botching a bomb defusal.

"got it-the blue wire" *Boom* _rest in peace Ilia, your character was boring_ _anyway_.

23\. Overacting to marketing

*volume 5 theme* "oh my oum, Oh My Oum, OH MY OUM!" *lightning strike*

24\. Receiving a request to ensure a Huntsman academy.

"Alright what is your school for"

"Huntsman and Huntresses."

*Sound of a man laughing till he dies*

25\. Gullibility

"Ill trade this cookie for your scythe"

"Sure" *clunk*

26\. Jaune v Jaune

"THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE! RAHHHH"

*boom-boom-bang-Boom*

"… should we stop this Ozpin?"

"No… this is too entertaining to watch"

27\. Overcomplicating your weapon

"Time to Die- *crunch* wrong … button…"

28\. Witnessing a shooting star

"Nightie night twinkle boy" *bang*

"Hey, guys! I just saw a shooting star!"

"Ugh, we got a witness*gun cocking* Bury Him" *bang*

29\. Violating copyright laws

"hey Zwei, you just turned five years old… Happy Birthday to- "

"Stop right their criminal scum"

"huh?"

*whirring noise before Machine guns starts firing*

* * *

30\. Making fun of Roman Torchwick

"you know, I've always wondered why Roman Torchwick is such an infamous criminal. I mean really, with that makeup of his, you'd think he'd be a Michael Jackson impersonator instead of a robber! I mean all he needs is some hairdo and he could be striking it rich!"

*sound of glass breaking and someone dying*

31\. Riding off into the sunset

*the good, the bad and the ugly theme plays for a couple seconds before-*

"AHHHHHHHH" *clunk*

31\. Correction, riding off into the _Ravine_

32\. Nitpicking

"Hey, that last one was a Minecraft death, not a- "

-NerdyGuy105 was killed by magic-

33\. Flirting with Blake

"Hey Blake you look purrrfect today" *unholy screams of a dying man-(seriously how does Jaune Do It )*

34\. Drunken decisions

"cliff diving is a lot safer- there no way you can drown!"- Qrow's famous last words

35\. Ignorance

"of course, I'll babysit Nora."

36\. Attempting to stop ruby rose going at mock 5

"to- "

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZOOOOM*

37\. Explaining logic to team RWBY…

"what do you mean? There can't be such a thing as Logic or else everybody would be super-smart!"

*sound of man dying of frustration and pulling his hair out too much*

38\. Star Wars Christmas special

*Dreadful music plays as a billion voices cry out in terror but are suddenly silenced*

39\. over thinking all of this

"Wait a second, does that mean star wars exist in Rwby? or is it simply a similar franchise with the same name or is it just a TV show Christmas special made to be like a star wars Movie... Hey, I'm reading this in Remnant! does that mean Fan-fictions are in Rwby to? or would that just be can-"

-NerdyGuy105 was pulled into a logic black Hole-

* * *

40\. Underpaying your Faunas workers

"No, No Please I can change, I Can Change" *sound of a grown man wailing*

and that is how Jacques Schnee Died.

41\. Blasphemy

"Monty Oum Sucks"

*lightning strikes*

-TheIronForest was struck by lightning-

42\. Building a self-aware AI

"I am Shodan" *click-whoosh*

43\. Flying into Atlas Air-space illegally

"Wooooooh" *Boom*

44\. Reinforcements

*Shing*

"hah take that Beowulf!"

*GrrrrrrrRRRRRRHHHHH*

"… oh crap"

45\. Ignoring TLC's Advice

"Don't go chasing waterfalls"

"Ehhh-Shut up" *boing-crunch*

-themagniffeccentCrow fell too far down*

46\. Resisting a Junior detective arrest

"These illegally imported 3D props are going to make a fortune, _see_ "

"Halt! You are under arrest for possession of contraband 3D props"

"You`ll never take me alive, _see_ " *Pistol fires*

"He's resisting arrest! Open fire!" *automatic guns return fire*

"Have some of this" *Tommy gun begins firing back*

"Lights out son of a Grimm" *sniper fires breaking glass and killing the gangster*

47\. Being Wrong

"Hey there, weren't fifty there were only forty-nine!"

*Shing-stab*

48\. Telling Jaune the ending of volume 3

" **DIE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!** And tell Pyrrha I said Hi!"

49\. Starting a flame war

"Ruby and Jaune are cute together" - middleman

"Hey, don't tell me your one of those guys who think Jaune should end up Ruby!" - arkos shipper

"uhm…"- middleman

"If you think Pyrrha should end up with Jaune, then why did they kill her off? It's a _dead_ relationship, that's why" – Lancaster shipper

"only idiots think it's a dead relationship, all of the theorizers think she's alive and are backed up by a whole list of evidence I am going to mention but not provide any sources for."- Arkos shipper

"Shut up"- Lancaster shipper

"No, you shut up!"- Arkos shipper

"No, you shut up!"- Lancaster shipper

"No, you shut up!"- Arkos shippers

"No, you shut Up!"-Lancaster shipper

"Ryaaaahhh" * Arkos shippers begin firing flaming arrows*

"Hyyaaahhh" *Lancaster shippers begin firing flaming arrows*

-middleman was killed by fire from above-

* * *

And the final way to die is…

50\. Cut. Off. Yang's. Hair. (Come on you'd think id end it any other way?)

" **YOU SHALLL DIEEEEEEE** " Yang raged, as she rushed towards a nerdy looking guy with scissors in his hands. -censored for sheer brutality- Yang stood up from beating the guys brains out and then looked over to see another guy with scissors in his hands. Noticing her glare of impending Doom, the young man quickly dropped his scissors and bolted out the art classroom of Beacon Academy. Running after him with bloodlust in her eyes, Yang didn`t notice Two figures hiding behind the teacher's desk.

"I told you it was a bad Idea Pyrrha!" the smaller figure asked.

"It was supposed to teach her a lesson… my bad" Pyrrha pouted at the smaller figure.

"Kids these days," the smaller figure said shaking her head.

"I'm two years older than you, you know, that right?" Pyrrha asked.

"… shouldn't we be freaking out that two people just died?" Ruby asked, diverting the conversation.

"its okay, they're just background characters. They'll just appear randomly one day like nothing ever happened" Pyrrha said before realizing something, "do you think yang will forgive us o- "whatever Pyrrha was going to say was cut off as a hand wrapped around he ponytail.

"SHE WILL… IN A FEW YEARS OR SO" Ruby screemed as she zoomed away.

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I do not own RWBY or its characters. It is owned by Rooster Teeth and was created by Monty Oum- May He Rest in Peace.

AN/

Be honest, did that end scare you or not? Anyway, this was fun to write and quick to make. and if you didn't notice some of the Gamer tags were referencing characters were meant for characters from the show, such as themagniffecentCrow is Qrow and TheIronForest is General Ironwood. if you can guess who NerdyGuy105 is a reference to, points to you.

Please favorite and review if you like.

Side note: this may not be the final chapter, but I won't be continuing this fanfic any time soon. Sorry.


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